The longer I live the more I have come to realize that most of us, if we are awake and aware, will taste to a far greater extent than we could have anticipated the unrelenting solitude of the fellowship of Christ's suffering. Whatever form it takes, whatever course it pursues and pushes you through, it is exquisitely singular and, at times, isolating with a mental pressure that escapes expression. Most of us have an idea rattling around in our heads that we can endure anything as long as we have our family and/or friends. This is a lovely idea, but not really a truth, because Christ suffered alone and died utterly alone. He was abandoned by all whom He loved best. To participate in this experience we must of necessity enter that door and shuffle down that path, sometimes clawing and blind, in the most unimaginable, tearful, awful intimacy possible with Jesus. And when we have inched along the tightrope of darkness and missed our grasp and come to the place when letting go is no longer a choice -- it is a stark reality of what we loved most being plucked mercilessly from our arms -- it is then and only then, that the everlasting arms can appear. In that most cherished moment in all of eternity it dawns unmistakably that we are not moving inexorably alone, but are being carried by the One who fashioned the stars and all of space and time. All can forsake me. Jesus will stand with me, beside me, over me and even cradling me. He will stand. And that is it and that is all. To sample that severe mercy is to slip the bonds of time and the constraints of past and present. Eternity answers with just simplicity. I am.
I wrote this some months ago in answer to a friend whose grown child had chosen to reject her and cut her completely out of her life. My friend is a woman who is ill and suffers greatly both physically and emotionally. I didn't know what to say to her and so I began writing in an effort to express what I know to be true.
ReplyDeleteSince then, I have heard from other friends who are also facing terrible circumstances in life which involve rejection, suffering, dire illness, grave loss. If you spend enough time on this earth, you, too, will encounter such things. And, you must somehow know how to separate the true from the trite.
I have experienced a portion of suffering, rejection and bewilderment in my journey. I have seen grave illnesses, been rejected by a much loved child. I've had to relinquish loved ones and dear friends to death. The question arises, how does one endure without cynicism? How do you keep the melody of your life singing in your heart? As a physician's wife, I hear a lot (somethings I wish I didn't know about); I see a lot. This is my voice and my response to some of what I have encountered.
Dear Christy,
ReplyDeleteYou do have a wonderful way with words. The words mean all the more because they magnify Christ. Jesus IS the only One Who will never leave me or forsake me. At the moment my head is spinning trying to figure out the 'why' of certain circumstances. Your writing reminds me not to wonder 'why', but just to hold on to my dear Savior, and allow Him to work His will, because I know His will is the best for all concerned. The 'why' question may or may not be answered in my lifetime, but ultimately, that doesn't really matter. Thanks for writing! I'm truly blessed. Love you!! Laurie